"It is such a secret place, the land of tears." Antoine de Saint-Exupery

And so I must confess that my eyes have swollen up once again with the salty familiarity of displaced tears. I am unable to sleep or find rest in my present state of mind. There are so very many thoughts to sift through and so very many heartaches through which to persevere. It seems like a medical miracle that the human heart can break and then mend only to start the whole process over again. For me, there seems to be chunks of happiness missing in being so far from my family and feeling utterly helpless and without control. I bear the burden of a deep sorrow that weighs me down even as I crawl forward. The pain of love is in knowing I have no control over the outcome of events. That is in God's hands. I cannot do that which I long to, I cannot hold my sister's hand, I cannot take care of and be with the family I love and worry over and I cannot look to the arm of flesh for support for it is weak and undependable. I have been blessed and challenged by the friendships in my life and know that while some have caused me a great deal of sadness others have helped me to rekindle my joy and gratitude for God's blessings. And while I may weep in the night I know I am not alone. That there is One who will always hear my cries and soothe my weary soul. And so I sojourn in valley of sorrow but I never do so alone and joy always appears on the horizon, eventually.