Saturday, January 7, 2012

"Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." Gilda Radner

2012 has just begun and with the newborn year I look forward to a grand adventure. The last half year was a sextet of ambiguity and prevarication; for me 2012 is a lynch-pin year. With graduation at long last approaching I have struggled with the weight of choosing which direction my journey should head upon completion of what has proven to be not so much a Herculean task but rather a type of 10 year Odysseus-like journey. Paralysis can and has often flooded my brain and heart when contemplating my possibilities. I love New York. It has been my home for 36 years. It has provided me with the most challenging and growth inducing experiences of my life. Equal to that, New York has provided me with a family of dear friends who have enriched my life immeasurably when my immediate family all moved away. It is in New York I have discovered myself and learned to value who I am with all my flaws despite the pain of external rejection and constant change. I have become a person who loves openly and values good company, who embraces and delights in differences of cultural and ideological beliefs. I have committed to my own religious beliefs more deeply while living in New York. In acknowledging all of these wonderful gifts it is little wonder I have been emotionally and psychologically stymied. But the time has come for me to move forward and in order to do so decisions inevitably must be made. And it was just recently that a sense of confidence to do so has crept into my mind and the notion  of how I am to know what it is that will provide me the most growth and happiness on the next stage of my journey........