“A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself” ― Frances Ward Weller

  The best laid plans of mice and men are often the source of great amusement and frequently come to naught. Yet where would we be without any plans or goals to push us forward? What is needed, then, is the willpower and determination to accomplish such things as we have set out for ourselves to do. For 3 years I have spent hours reading, studying, listening, discussing, and writing writing and then more writing of papers. I have had fairly rigid deadlines and conferences at which to present, tests to cram for, and lab hours to complete. All of this required an unyielding schedule of tasks which could then be easily noted as  completed successfully, unsuccessfully, or incomplete. Now that I have finished this stage of my education I have found myself lost in the fog emanating from the sweet release of educational pressures and anxieties. But thankfully I have wonderful family and loyal friends, one in particular, who have supported and encouraged me all along this odyssey of mine, and continue to do so. Thanks to some well timed and most certainly well deserved verbal kicks to my metaphorical behind by a caring and thoughtful person I am now ready to cut through the mental fog I have been lingering in as a result of the myriad of changes in my life and to push myself forward. Thank goodness for wise and brave friends. In light of this new phase in my life I think having some new goals or recommitting to past goals and then planning accordingly is the key to moving forward and being happy with who I am and where I am going. Could that direction change? Possibly. But moving forward is still moving no matter the direction you end up heading in. So I have decided that this summer, meaning the  months of July through September I am going to challenge myself by pursuing several quantifiable goals:

1. Attend the Manhattan LDS Temple at least once a month. I find my head and heart get "reset" and I can function better when I make the decision and then act on it to spend some time in holy space.
2. Read good books including the LDS canon and schedule regular goals for reading the standard works including the Bible.
3. Set up and then follow through with a consistent study schedule for the GRE. My test date is August 8, 2012.
4. Complete my graduate school applications
5. Return to healthy whole food eating habits including limiting my processed sugar intake and using my best investment, the Vitamix, to have healthy delicious snacks and meals.
6. And last but not least......

That's right. I have invested in a new pair of running shoes and will return to focusing on taking better care of what God has given me by pushing myself to increase my running ability and physical activity in general

Now that I have written this all out in a public space what choice do I have but to get going? Stay tuned for regular updates...

"I am in a room I've built myself. Four straight walls, one floor, one ceiling and day after day I wake up feeling potentially lovely. Perpetually human. Suspended and open....Open up your eyes and then..." ~ Regina Spektor

I'm having a dilemma. I am stuck and moving forward all at once. Words have failed me as of late and I have failed to use words as my normal means of therapy and self-analysis. The day I long awaited and dreaded has come and passed and it was was glorious and terrifying. And now this college graduate has stepped into the unstructured vastly uncertain unknown. There are plans to be made and new goals to work towards. Onward ho! Chicago or bust ?!  I have returned to  living life at the speed of an 85 year old without having lived 85 years worth of life and I look down to see my feet are stuck in dense dark mud. I know that God has a plan for my next stage but I am striving to accept what limited insight I have received into what my direction should be. There exists an underlying tension between what I want in the short term and what I want truly madly deeply in the long term and its a mighty struggle to not pull my feet out of this sludge and run in the other direction. On paper everything seems perfect, but in my heart and in my ponderings on the things of a spiritual nature there is a significant difference between what I want to do next and what God has planned for me. So the question is: how do I embrace with enthusiasm what I have had little excitement or interest in doing up to this point, even though I know it is what I need to do, must do, and will do?