"I am in a room I've built myself. Four straight walls, one floor, one ceiling and day after day I wake up feeling potentially lovely. Perpetually human. Suspended and open....Open up your eyes and then..." ~ Regina Spektor

I'm having a dilemma. I am stuck and moving forward all at once. Words have failed me as of late and I have failed to use words as my normal means of therapy and self-analysis. The day I long awaited and dreaded has come and passed and it was was glorious and terrifying. And now this college graduate has stepped into the unstructured vastly uncertain unknown. There are plans to be made and new goals to work towards. Onward ho! Chicago or bust ?!  I have returned to  living life at the speed of an 85 year old without having lived 85 years worth of life and I look down to see my feet are stuck in dense dark mud. I know that God has a plan for my next stage but I am striving to accept what limited insight I have received into what my direction should be. There exists an underlying tension between what I want in the short term and what I want truly madly deeply in the long term and its a mighty struggle to not pull my feet out of this sludge and run in the other direction. On paper everything seems perfect, but in my heart and in my ponderings on the things of a spiritual nature there is a significant difference between what I want to do next and what God has planned for me. So the question is: how do I embrace with enthusiasm what I have had little excitement or interest in doing up to this point, even though I know it is what I need to do, must do, and will do?