"Oh, I am very weary, though tears no longer flow; My eyes are tired of weeping, my heart is sick of woe.”

I am restless tonight. My head will not rest on its pillow nor will my eyelids put their charges to bed. I am not determined to be melancholy yet it somehow manages to find me . You see, it is the gaping desparity between what my mind knows and my heart cannot comprehend that leaves me sleepless and teary eyed. It is the suddeness of sorrow and regret continuously mingling with a harrowing sense of impotence that disturbs my peace. I have been trying to understand the surprise of emotional unpredictability when life altering circumstances become your life or the life of someone you love. There are forces we cannot fight, and my mind understands that, yet...my heart resists the pragmatism of its logical command center. Life is not fair. This my mind understands while my illogical organ cannot accept or even comprehend the application of such an idea on an personal level. While this enigmatic battle between heart and mind cycles on I will lay my head on a tear stained pillow and pretend to fall asleep.

Waiting for the other shoe....to drop.

Whenever my cell phone clings with the ubiquitous cell phone ring tone and the hour is just a tad too early or a smidge too late my immediate though process is this: something must be wrong.Somewhere something must be wrong with someone I love, but what I have learned recently has taught me that difficulties can arrive by satellite during the normal course of the day as well. You can literally go from making plans for a vacation in one second to shaking those plans off of the etch-a-sketch of your life in the very next nanosecond. I reflect on the mutating influence of sudden misfortunes, obstacles, or tragedies. I have known and seen the devastating artistry of loss in the lives of friends and family. Life is surely short and not always sweet, but it seems to me that those who have suffered heart scarring events either fall apart and disintegrate being blown to and fro by the storms of life or they rise from the ashes like a phoenix. No matter what may come their way.