I need a hero...

"The characteristic of genuine heroism is its persistency. All men have wandering impulses, fits and starts of generosity. But when you have resolved to be great, abide by yourself, and do not weakly try to reconcile yourself with the world. The heroic cannot be the common, nor the common the heroic.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The concept of the hero has been a theme in history and literature since both fields sprang forth from the birth of the written word, perhaps even before that if one were to consider the tales depicted in numerous caves throughout the world. We have David and Goliath, Achilles and Odysseus, William Tyndale, Joan of Arc, Florence Nightingale, Robin Hood, Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, and Mother Theresa, just to name a few. The names of countless others of some acclaim could fill this blog posting infinitely, but for me this quote by Emerson has a personal significance. I have been blessed to know such people in my life. To have the ideal set before me to know that right is still right and their still exists the principle of moral courage and self-sacrifice beating in the hearts of so called "ordinary" men and women today.

In my case, I honor two men who have represented such quality of character for me. The first is my friend Frankie. While I take this Memorial Day weekend to outwardly honor and remember him Frankie is a man who as one half of a dynamic duo, with his wife Brooke, continues to teach me how to live bigger , better, and truer to what I believe. I have never known two more beautiful people inside and out than Brooke and Frankie Toner. Their devotion to each other, their faith, their love for life and the principles of liberty are an ever present reminder to me of who I want to be. Frankie was killed in action trying to take down a sniper targeting him and his friends. The thing about how Frankie died was that it was truly reflective of how he tried to live as a person. And Brooke is his equal in every way. It is the ways they have each sacrificed I honor and remember.

The other man my thoughts can't help but turn to is the man I have always known as my grandpa, Grant Gardner. Ever since my grandmother died, almost 7 years now, Granpda has been lost. He survived Pearl Harbor on his ship the USS Mugford, and survived the Korean War as well. But this morning, at the age of 93, my dear grandpa finally passed on. After years at war as a young strapping man in the Navy and the years at war with aging, dementia, severe pain, and loneliness I have to wonder which ones were harder for him to bear. I wish I could ask him now that he has laid his mortal coil aside and is unhindered by the frailties of old age. I can here his voice as clear as day saying, "come on, Jenny. Let's go get some ice cream." There are so many questions I would love to ask him...so many things that I never bothered with as a self absorbed child and young adult. But I know that he loved his country, he loved his family. He was good to my grandmother, and he loved me. As I do him.

When I take the time to remember and reflect this Memorial Day I am truly grateful for these most genuine examples of heroism in my life. Take that Homer....

A work in progress...

My heart is full of tender appreciation for the ways I have been "fed" in my life, particularly the past few weeks. Words seem inadequate to express the gratitude that burns within me for parents who love and support me and friends who have enthusiastically sacrificed precious time and resources to assist this friend in need. It is during this time of uncertainty and distress that I have truly seen the hand of God. I cannot doubt it, despite the difficulties and challenges I continue to face. My circumstances are nothing extravagant or disasterous, but are uniquely trying to my character. Or would be so if it weren't for the fact that I have been feasting at a banquet of love and friendship. This has been a time when I have witnessed the goodness and purity of the many friends God has given me. Day by day I have been nurtured and cared for by a thoughtful friend or family member.When I have needed a ride, it happened. When I needed prayers, I felt them. When I needed perspective, it arrived at just the perfect moment. These are tender mercies and blessings I would never have fully appreciated if I hadn't had a bad day 2 weeks ago.
This video is of an address by Elder Christofferson, an Apostle in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,that has provided me with much comfort in challenging times and it has again reminded me of how well fed I have been.

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. -- Henry David Thoreau

I have been reflecting on the power of being still and being quiet. Not just physically and audibly, but on a deeper and more meaningful level. Horrible allergies, a mountain of homework, and loss of transportation have allowed me to be still and focus on sharpening my mind while soothing my spirit. I am a firm believer that out of bad things good things can come when we see the opportunity to learn and somehow manage to see the bigger picture. I am living on an island thousands of miles away from the people who love me most in this world. And life seems to find a way to occasionally overwhelm me with its obstacles and unexpected decisions to be made. In the dark of night it is quite easy to feel one's self utterly alone and drifting in a sea of indecision and sorrow. What has become powerfully evident to me is that in having those moments what will often follow the depths of loneliness becomes a sort of miracle. It is after the storm clouds of feeling alone disperse that the rainfall of love and friendship based on principles of charity and compassion can flood every empty corner of your heart. But if you are not quiet and still these magnificent blessings can easily pass you by unnoticed while you franticly attempt to fill that emptiness with busy nothings. This week I am so grateful for the opportunity to feel the love and support of family and friends who love and care for me and renew my hope. I am so grateful for a Divine Father who watches over and blesses me with His love.