Saturday, November 27, 2010

the journey to the center of the heart



What more can be said than this picture expresses. She is my sister. We have fought. Wow have we had our fights. We have cried. Wow have we laughed so hard we cried and cried so hard we laughed. We have seen the best and the worst in one another but always forgive the worst and remind each other of the best. If I had a million dollars right now it would be hers without hesitation. But I don't. All I can do is continue to plead with everyone I know to help Danielle Gomez to continue her fight against Breast Cancer by going to www.supportdanielle.org.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Who does not thank for little will not thank for much. ~Estonian Prove

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful."- Shakyamuni


So I of course have several posts pending from previous dates, but I felt that it was important for me to insure the timely posting of this blog entry on this day. I am spending Thanksgiving alone. By choice. I just couldn't imagine stuffing myself on cranberry covered turkey and gravy moat filled mashed potatoes while my sister was traveling two hours each way for her chemotherapy.In past years, Thanksgiving has been a day I either spent being taken care of by my second family, the Chadwicks; or Danielle, mom, and I would get our little Boston Market Thanksgiving meals and spend the day laughing until we cried, or in mom's case dashed to the bathroom. Today I am profoundly appreciative for the wonderful friends and family that God has mercifully placed in my life to remind me that He knows who I am and what I need. I am grateful for the beauty of forgiveness and all the ways it has reverbrated in my life. Relationships I never thought would be possible to heal have been strengthened through the power of that principle. I have seen the miraculous power of forgiveness in the examples of so many friends of differing beliefs and backgrounds that I know I am richly blessed to live in a place where I can learn and grow from wonderful people who in their own ways are somehow different from me.Today I am indebted to the countless friends and loved ones who have taken up Danielle's cause so passionately and mercifully. Today I am unceasingly thankful for a family of faith, hope, and charity. For parents who scrimped and sacrificed their entire lives to give us a better one. Who taught us the value of working hard and doing your best and when you fall short to never give up. While I am still struggling with alot of those things I am eternally grateful for a family and friends who look beyond the me as I am and help me to work towards the me I want to become. So while I am spending this day in what may seem to the world as an anti-social manner I can honestly say the opportunity to meditate in solitude on the myriad of blessings one has received on one's life is fare better than a post-meal Turkey coma. At least this year....

Monday, November 22, 2010

"...it's all Greek to me...." - Shakespeare


"I cannot rest from travel;

I will drink Life to the lees.

All times I have enjoy'd

Greatly, have suffer'd greatly,

both with those

That loved me, and alone;"


Ulysses by Alfred Tennyson

The photo above represents one of the most amazing exhibits my eyes have been fortunate enough to view: the Elgin Marbles, British Museum,England. I was taken aback by the grandeur and history behind these glorious pieces of ancient greek art and architecture. To imagine the moments in ancient history these relics have been witness to gives me chills even when simply studying their photograph. In studying Homer's Odyssey and remembering my visit to the magnificent British Museum, where the Rosetta Stone also resides,my innate wanderlust creeps up in me and makes me long to travel, to explore the world and its infinite history and diversity, to learn the language and lifestyles of those whose heritage spans back to the dawn of time. I never could understand those who never left their own town let alone their own country. To explore the joys and sorrows of life so universal and yet so individually enacted in every corner of the world seems to me to be the purest way to expand the evolving self into a compassionate and tolerant individual, still firm on one's beliefs yet open to learning and understanding the richness found in the differences of others.

Friday, November 19, 2010

The Role of Women in Homer's Iliad

The Honor of Men, The Subjugation of Women

Throughout history woman has been depicted as the possession of man, the maven of sexual wiles, the troublemaker, as well as the weaker vessel; within the pages of Homer’s Iliad all of these qualities abound. When the women of the Iliad are not being fought over as sexual prizes, they are relegated to domestic fulfillment. A woman’s role in Homeric society was to be subordinate to the men either as his domestic support or his sexual property, perhaps even both. The significance of woman as property frequently sets men at odds with each other and is directly related to their status as a heroic warrior. And despite the so-called equalizing of the sexes, the view of women implied in the tale of the wrath of Achilles, continues to reverberate in today’s post-modern world.


From the beginning, it is understood that this ten year battle between the Greeks and Trojans is a direct result of the infidelity of Helen. This fact is alluded to several times throughout the epic poem. During their fiery argument over how to placate Apollo in Book I Achilles furiously explains to Agamemnon and audience that he has no personal grudge against the Trojans but has fought voraciously, “to win your honor and Menelaos’ from the Trojans” (Book I. 159) and then later when emissaries are sent by Agamemnon to placate Achilles’ anger he explains the nature of that honor:”and why was it the son of Atreus assembled and led here these people? Was it not for the sake of lovely-haired Helen? (Book IV.338-339). Isn’t all of this over the possession of a beautiful woman?


Indeed, the major rift between Agamemnon and the great warrior Achilles’ is the result of the dispute over two women, Chrysies and Briseis. When Achilles suggests that Agamemnon return his prize ,Chrysies, to her father, and oracle of Apollo, the son of Atreus becomes enraged and lashes out at Achilles: “…nothing excellent have you said nor ever accomplished” (Book I.108) and then explains that the reason he had refused to return her to her father, even after the promise of a ransom, was because he “wish[ed] greatly to have her in my own home; since I like her better than Klytaimestra” his wife. He continues,”for in truth she is in no way inferior, neither in build nor stature nor wit, not in accomplishment. Still I am willing to give her back, if such is the best way” (Book I.112-116). As a recompense for his loss, Agamemnon requires Achilles give up his prize, Briseis who Agamemnon gave to him “as a geras, war prize, after Akhilles had killed her parents.” (Roisman 2). As Helen Roisman points out, the decision of what was to happen to either woman did not involve her at all as evidenced by the fact there is no dialogue to represent what their wishes may have been ( 2), although in Book I line 348 Briseis is not a willing participant in this transaction. Achilles does not battle for the prize which he had rightfully earned when men come to retrieve Briseis, but weeping he does plead with his mother, the demi-goddess Thetis, to “grant me honour at least…[since] powerful Agamemnon has dishonored me…he has taken away my prize and keeps it”(Book I.349-356). While his sorrow at the loss of this woman implies a deep attachment, the anger Achilles harbors throughout the Iliad stems from the great insult to his honor by Agamemnon represented by the loss of his “property”, Briseis. As Sarah Pomeroy explains it:

In an atmosphere of fierce competition among men, women
were viewed symbolically and literally as properties- the prizes
of contests and the spoils of conquests- and domination over them
increased the male’s prestige.
(25)


The certain belief of women as property for the pleasures of men is again implied in Hektor’s conversation with his wife, Andromache in Book VI. The reluctant hero explains to his wife the reason he continues to fight so fiercely is because he fears what will happen if they lose. He does not fear death so much as he does, “the thought of you (Andromache) when some bronze-armoured Achaian leads you off, taking away your day of liberty in tears….but may I be dead and the piled earth hide me under before I hear you crying and know by this that they drag you captive”(454-465). Why does Hektor fear this more than anything? Because he knows that once he is not around to protect her, his loving wife will become someone else’s property.
Although Helen’s character and role in the unfolding of this 10 year wars seem more complex than just relegating her to the label of “prize” or slave, her more liberal circumstances as Paris’ “wife” do not include her freedom to return to her former life (Roisman 4). Her fate is left to the discretion of men. When the goddess Iris interrupts Helen at her weaving, a significant domestic role for women, in Book III, she explains that, “Menelaos the warlike and Alexandros will fight with long spears against each other for your possession” (136-137). Helen will have no say in the matter. She will be the prize for the greater warrior. “You shall be called beloved wife of the man who wins you,” Iris tells Helen (138). This thought and the remembrances of her life before Troy cause Helen to leave her room in sorrow.


Just as Menelaos and Paris battle for Helen man-to man, there is a discussion amongst the Trojans about Helen and her role in this decade long conflict. What Homer describes as “chief men of the Trojans” agree that neither side can be found at fault when a beauty such as she is at stake. “Terrible is the likeness of her face to immortal goddesses….still…let her go away in the ships, lest she be left behind, a grief to us and our children”(156-160). Her beauty being the cause of all this sorrow, she should be sent away to prevent more suffering by the Trojan people. There is no blame for Paris in their problems, he is seemingly just a man fallen prey to a stunning face. This idea of ridding themselves of Paris’ paramour will arise again in Book Seven when a break from the fierce and bloody battle is taken in order to gather the dead. Trojan warrior Antenos suggests to the assembly that it is time to return “Helen of Argos” to her husband and avoid any further destruction to their city. (350-353). Paris response is an immediate rejection.”I will not give back the woman. But of the possessions I carried away to our house from Argos I am willing to give all back…” (362-364). Just as with the exchange of Chrysies and Briseis, what Helen may have felt about her situation was of no account to the Trojan men. Their significance as individuals with power over their own lives is non-existent. They are the treasures of men, to be subject to them in all things.


Although the world of the Iliad may have existed more than a millennia in the past, messages that woman’s highest purpose is to satisfy the needs of men pervade the modern world. On the website www.media-awareness.ca the media watch group suggests that the representation of “women’s bodies in the media”, particularly the direction taken by many women’s magazines, in a hyper sexualized and consistent fashion, “perpetuates the idea that women’s sexuality is subservient to men’s pleasure” (women as sexual objects). More disturbing than that, perhaps, is the increasing problem of human trafficking.


According to Francis Miko of the Congressional Research Service (CRS) in a report to United States Congress in 2003, “trafficking in people, especially women and children, for prostitution and forced labor is one of the fastest growing areas of international criminal activity…generating seven to ten billion dollars annually according to United Nations estimates”(1). The continuing high level of poverty and limited access to education among women as a global population make them a continuing target of international crime rings. There remain cultures within which the value of daughters to a family is far inferior to that of sons who are seen as being able to contribute to the economic survival of the family. Many families in dire circumstances will “sell their daughters to brothels or traffickers” in order to provide immediate aid to their family and lighten the drain to their resources.(2). This report proves that the belief that women are the property of their family, husband, parent continues to exist in global consciousness today and the fact that they are often being sold into economic and/or sexual slavery by someone in their family becomes an idea that sets this modernization of the subjugation of women apart from that of the world of Homer’s Iliad.


Although it may be said that the conditions of Helen and Briseis represent a world thousands of years ago and the world has developed exponentially since then and that the rights and independent worth of women have vastly improved, the conditions of women throughout the world still largely depend on their value in the eyes of men.

Monday, November 15, 2010

"Love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself hath any care, but for another gives its ease, and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair" ~ Blake

I am desperately trying to discover a way of living this principle to the fullest without burning the bottom of the empty pot I call my self. Sometimes, the capacity to love and work for the well being of others leads us to move our own selves to the back burner to simmer. Easily forgotten, we go about the business of tending to the proper care of all the other pots until the smell of burning metal, now devoid of any liquid,shocks us to attention. Love is completely unselfish, yet loving one's self is a neccesary ingredient in the recipe for reaching out to and loving others. If we do not tend to the pot on the back burner, we will end up with a smoky kitchen and the blaring sound of the smoke alarm. That is the point I have arrived at and it is no small feat to rid the house of both the smell and the presence of smoke as well as getting the blasted smoke alarm to pipe down. Nor is it a simple task to scrub the charred pot clean before putting it to use again.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Deep thoughts.....

"Relationships offer us the biggest opportunities for learning lessons in life, for discovering who we are, what we fear, where our power comes from, and the meaning of true love....We tend to think we have relationships with relatively few people, primarily our spouses or significant others. The truth is that we have relationships with everybody we meet, be they friends, relatives, coworkers....You are the common denominator in every single one of your relationships, individual in their own ways yet sharing many characteristics because they emanate from us....The attitudes you bring to one relationship - positive or negative, hopeful or hateful,- you bring to them all. You have the choice to bring a little or a lot of love to each of your relationships." - "Life Lessons" by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross & David Kessler

I need to really think about this and will post my thoughts when I absorb some of it. WOW!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

"Your thorns are the best part of you." - Marianne Moore

I am beginning to appreciate the beauty of my own imperfections. When viewed through the magnifying glass of high expectations held by self as well as others our thorns may seem horrendously hideous.Yet when viewed close up by the natural eye it is the magnificent uniqueness of our individual thorns that make us who we are. The rose would not be the flower that it is without it's protective thorns running up and down its spine. It is these prickly and unpredictable elements that weed out those who can and do appreciate us in our completely imperfect and flawed humanness from those who find the challenge and pain of the thorns too much to bear. Why should we hide our thorns, they can only cause more pain, more unhappiness when we wrap them underneath deceptively pretty tissue paper?It is the thorns that show us the depth of the connections we make with those willing to have have their fingers pricked occasionally in order to enjoy the sweet smell of the flower of friendship.

Friday, November 12, 2010

"Only that which is the other gives us fully unto ourselves" Sri Yogananda

"Without contraries is no progression. Attraction and repulsion, reason and energy, love and hate, are necessary to human existence."~William Blake

Buddhist philosophy teaches that it is the otherness of mara, our inner struggles, the adversity of our natures, that allows us to truly become a stronger individual, to achieve our bhodisattva nature and eventually our buddhahood. When we harness the darker side of our existence, the impatience, the weaknesses, and the anger and flip the mirror we can bring out the best and strongest self.I find that a comforting and universally true principle. Shakyamuni wasn't the Buddha for nothing. When we apply this philosophy during the roughest moments in our daily lives it allows us to rise above what Latter-Day Saints call the "natural" man or woman. We can take that which most frustrates, overwhelms, and challenges us about our own habits and traits and turn them into tools of self-discovery. We can be refined like gold through the fiery furnace of our own weaknesses and unavoidable obstacles life perpetually places in our way. And through the dual nature of existence,like Blake so poetically described it, through the full experience of love and hate or reason and energy, we can truly know the capacity we have to strive for the highest within us.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

"If speaking is silver, listening is gold" -Turkish Proverb

"Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don't have to do anything else. We don't have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen." Margaret J. Wheatley

The greatest gift I have ever received in my life is the feeling of being truly heard and understood. It does not require an alignment of opinions to feel such acceptance, but an open mind and heart of the listener to the seemingly irrational overflowing volcanic heart. It is sweet comfort to feel the reassurance of a friend or loved one's understanding and encouragement when your shoulders are weighed down like Atlas'. What words can accurately describe the fathomless gratitude a trembling soul feels at the clear seeing support of those who while acknowledging your brokeness can remind you of your immense value at the same time? Can there be any more profound expressions of friendship and love than the open ears and arms of one who places no judgement on you? It is true we all stuggle to be better listeners, to offer more gold and less silver in our relationships with each other. I know I have much of the silver and not enough of the gold in mine and strive to do better, but I also know that it is in our most meaningful interactions that we learn how to listen with our hearts more and talk with our intellect less, allowing for a true understanding of the woes with which our friends may be weighed down. In that way we become not just receivers of the greatest gifts but dispensers as well. Thank you to my 24k friends and family....I have been blessed indeed!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

That's what he said....

So my good friend has an interesting perspective on my previous posting Let's Get Physical? While I don't know that I completely agree, surprise that that may be, I thought it was important to offer up a different but well thought out point of view. Let me know what YOU think.


Firstly, humans are visual creatures. (1/3 or more of the human neo cortex is devoted to the processing, filtering and interpretation of visual input.) I don't think anyone can deny this fact and think it's illogical to think it hasn't innervated the process of mate selection, arguably our most primal function. I do think there are variances between the sexes though. Both sexes use visual scanning to search for a healthy partner. Proven many times over even to the degree where subtle asymmetries are noticed between two similar photos. But I think men favor child bearing and sustaining features while women look for strength, for work and protection, and intelligence.
I think all of these primal subtleties have been decimated by our more recently evolved need to attain status among peers. We all innately want the best we can have. We follow social factors established by a general consensus and choose based on which has the highest probability of impressing the most people....
NOW, that being said, I would like to expand on this by saying that looking isn't the issue here. It's what we're looking at and how we use that data. If I were blind, how would I know what cute or hot was? I argue the same superficial traits could apply to a blind person. If I speak to a woman and she has a great personality, is fun, funny and intelligent but when I reach out to touch her I feel greasy acne pitted skin, a hairy chest and 1/2 her head is bald and I suddenly realize where that cheese smell was coming from I may become turned off physically. If I ended the friendship based solely on this I think that would be superficial and wrong...I think all vision does is apply some efficiency to this process. We're simply looking for the best we can get.

This doesn't just apply to mates.. Picking clothes at the clothes store, a puppy at the pet store or produce at the food store, the same mechanisms are at play. Is it broken lame or bruised.. Is it superficial to want a good bannana er.. apple..

The problem with all this is that it's short term, short sighted and not encapsulating the big picture. I pick a good apple and then I eat the apple. That's it. End of my commitment. But, If I am going to keep the apple, rely on it for emotional support, sleep with it, go meet grandma smith and all her crab apple cousins should obviously take a few other things into account. But is it wrong to visually search for the type of apple you like and then check them for bruises and worms.

Anyway, In summation, I would like to say that while looks clearly aren't everything, if your talking about an intimate relationship it is certainly a factor. And I am acknowledging all others. However if it is a search parameter and we need to search through 100's or 1000's of candidates, It is a no brainier, the hands down easiest way to filter is visually. If we had telepathic powers like Powder or Professor Xavier we could use other senses efficiently. But we don't.... It's a product of our brains wanting to be efficient..

Please note I'm talking about intimate relationships only!! If you apply this to friends and family that's pathological and wrong.

Interesting point.. The degree of superficiality in our attitudes about anything seems to be proportional to the length of the intended relationship..

Monday, November 8, 2010

“I must write it all out, at any cost. Writing is thinking. It is more than living, for it is being conscious of living.” ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

In the beginning were the words. And the words were me. And the words are me. Sometimes I worry that I am not quite careful enough with the words I choose, particularly when I am speaking on matters of great import to me. I have felt this concern magnified recently in discussions I have had regarding my own philosophies or even my own feelings when something arises that brings out my volcanic heart.I am a woman who tends to gravitate towards the fire of emotions and so speaking my thoughts and feelings seems to come with a sense of intensity and volatility that I am somehow more skilled at smoothing out when recording them in a manner that allows me to literally "look" at what I am saying and what I am trying to say. For me, writing is not just an exercise or a thing to check off my to-do list, it is the ultimate and intensely personal expression of the individual self. While I may attempt to explain myself clearly through open dialogue, it is in the careful transcription of my innermost emotional mechanics onto viewable space that I most genuinely represent unpredictable dance between my brain and my heart. To be able to have access to that with the blessing of hindsight to give perspective is worth whatever the cost in time, effort, and complete honesty.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Let's Get Physical?


Having spent the last week debating the concept of attraction and physical appearance in various conversations, I must admit I feel like a stranger in my own land in regards to the subject. I have been advised and instructed,forcefully placed in the position of defending my views against the charge of being dishonest with myself, and educated on the importance of physical attraction in the development of an intimate relationship with another person.I would never deny that the element of what kind of packaging an item comes in may influence one's level of anticipation of the gift, but what I wonder is what actual significance does that "gorgeous" wrapping have when the gift is opened and loved or hated for what it is; the wrapping quickly discarded with the days rubbish. For my part,I feel that attraction as a term runs far deeper in meaning than the transitory notion of physical appeal.Yes, like any creation there do seem to be people in the world who, when we gaze upon them, seem to be chiseled from some perfect mold. But does that make them attractive? Is that what should draw us to one another? I realize I can only speak for myself, but the "hotness" of someone like Brad Pitt leaves me cold. I feel no attraction to what so many women conceive of as being gorgeous. While I do have my Taye Diggs, I am not now nor would I ever expect to pursue(even if it were situationally possible) a relationship with him or anyone like him based on his physical characteristics viewed from my tv screen...or even from across a room. Making such a claim seems to put me in a room by myself. Because what I would need to see before I would even approach (or in reality run away from)someone based on what they look like is how they smile, how they interact with the people around them,who they talk to, and how they talk about themselves. For me, attraction involves the reflection of the individual soul in their mannerisms, behavior, and yes even physical expressions, not the parts of the physical body we may appreciate. Because in the end, when we decide who is worth our time and effort based on what we see on the outside we won't know until the gift has been opened whether we got a pearl or a skunk cabbage. And who knows what gems we have passed up because their wrapping was not up to our standards. Now, I have heard the argument that there can be no intimacy where there is no physical attraction and I can see that, but I think it is easier to have sparks develop between two pearls where the wrapping may be not quite what we would expect for ourselves than between a pearl and a skunk cabbage with beautiful packaging. What do you think?

Saturday, November 6, 2010

There'll be girls across the nation that will eat this up...

"Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves"~Henri-Frederic Amiel

If there is anyone out there who wants to clearly understand what it is that women need from the people in their life it is perfectly reflected in the above quote. It has taken me more than 2 decades to see this through the twin lenses of experience and honest self-evaluation, but looking back on the highs and lows of my life it seems a ridiculously obvious truth. It reminds me of a wonderfully insightful quote by the wicked Oscar Wilde,"Women are made to be loved, not understood." That encapsulates the feelings at the heart of who we are and why we do the mysterious things we do. I don't want to be valued for my nice hair or healthy curves, my ability to sing, or my sharp wit. Because all of the qualities physical, emotional, spiritual, mental that I may exhibit at any one time individually do not define who I am as a whole person. To love someone for one or two of the parts of the whole seems like a volcanic explosion waiting to happen.