"If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?" - Kahlil Gibran

I continually ask myself this very wise question posed by the gifted Lebanese wordsmith and poet, Kahlil Gibran. My life changed forever just a few months ago when I received a phone call from my older sister at around 7:30 pm EST.The bubbling lava of her words began to suffocate me: it's metastatic breast cancer. I have been making my way through the haze of volcanic smoke and lecherous ash ever since. My heart seems to be able to break in one moment and regenerate in the next, only to break in the silent moments of infinite introspection. My 41 year old beautifuly brave sister was diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer as she made plans for her rapidly approaching wedding. I cried. I cry. I will cry. It seems like that was years ago, now that she is undergoing chemotherapy and her second round of radiation. But oh was she a beautiful bride...pretty pretty princess I so fondly call her. To see her married and happy was a moment so purely joyful that I ask myself: well, what of this volcanic heart? Can you be joyful and tormented simultaneously? As the weeks roll along with my sister and I seperated by an entire country, I have discovered the volcano is deep within my heart making it's unpredictable appearance at the strangest moments. I have become acutely aware of the heat of anger in the frustration of feeling powerless and disconnected. I have felt distraught in the midnight hour longing for the assurance that the "C" thing was all just a dream. But despite my emotional volcano there have been moments of tenderness between sisters as well as between friends and most importantly between the Parent of us all and a sorrowful daughter. What I hope to achieve is a quelling of the volcanic fires that sporadically burst forth scorching everything in its wake with the consistant and firm recognition of the numberless blessings I daily receive, including the knowledge that God does indeed have a plan. Once I do that, perhaps the most magnificent flowers will bloom from the rich volcanic ash.